my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
