Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
