lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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