he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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