So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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