She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
