homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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