Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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