Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
