farters have to be the big spoon...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
