So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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