Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
