I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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