Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
