you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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