She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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