considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
