hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
