the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
