do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We had to coat check the pizza.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
