the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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