Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
