Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
