Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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