"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
