i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
