My Higher Power is John Stamos
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
