I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
