the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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