Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
