Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
