Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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