She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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