I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
