you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
