he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
