and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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