....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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