That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
