She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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