if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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