could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
smell my finger.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
