ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
