My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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