i was born a porn star she said
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
