I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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