Im at strip club and am horny
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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