3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My cat gives me a boner
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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