This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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