it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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