grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
