i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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