So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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