I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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