everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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