man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
