it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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