Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
