Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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