Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
