therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
