i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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